I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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