like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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