i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
