you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The air taste purple.
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