he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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