The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
