I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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