Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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