they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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