im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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