I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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