It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize