i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
