I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
not ubering you a puppy
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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