i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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