I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
