We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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