You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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