I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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