i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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