worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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