my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
