Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
