The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
