It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize