There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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