She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
