dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
