he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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