if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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