is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
either way he was missing a nipple.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
