It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
