my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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