fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
