I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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