dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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