I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize