I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
