found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
