Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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