I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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