Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
