Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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