Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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