i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
