Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
