Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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