I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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