Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
