pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
