i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
