you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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