Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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