We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
