I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
