Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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