When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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