You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
