If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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