i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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