You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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