i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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