Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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