i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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