Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
