I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
