i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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