Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
A+ Viking dick
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
