ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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