I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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