Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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