Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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