So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
