mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
