How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
